ALL YOU CAN EAT
Released on April 1, 2014 (Open E Music)
02. Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World
04. Bukkake Tears
05. Gangbang At The Old Folks Home
06. Ten Strikes You’re Out
07. The Burden Of Being Wonderful
08. Fucking My Heart In The Ass
10. You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk
11. If I Was The King
12. She’s On The Rag
Michael Starr – vocals
Satchel – guitar
Lexxi Foxx – bass
Stix Zadinia – drums
Vivian Campbell – guitar solo (5)
Kiara Ana Perico – viola and violin (7)
Produced by Jay Ruston and Steel Panther.
The ‘law of diminishing returns’ states that Steel Panther should have reached their expiry date a couple years ago — obviously there are exceptions to every rule. The band’s latest slab of brilliance proves that the well filled with perverse bathroom humor is far from running dry.
Steel Panther have managed to penetrate the mainstream because of their tongue-in-cheek delivery, one that both pays homage to ’80s hair metal and exposes the genre’s ridiculousness at the same time. But that joke would get old fast — what really keeps Steel Panther interesting is the music itself. All You Can Eat ranks right up there with the band’s previous efforts, and is easily their most diverse. Think of it this way — rather than 12 songs of repetitive missionary sex, Steel Panther opened up the Kama Sutra manual and picked out a few complicated positions that would cripple less experienced lovers.
For fans of full-throttle rock Steel Panther proudly serve the sinister and thumping “Pussywhipped”, the inquisitive “Gloryhole”, and the lyrically disgusting “She’s On The Rag”. Do you want party anthems? They’re here too in the form of the first single “Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World”, “Gangbang At The Old Folks Home” and “Fucking My Heart In The Ass”. Perhaps a ballad interests you, if so try the egotistical and orchestral “The Burden Of Being Wonderful”. There are two songs I just can’t stop repeating however, the lovely mid-tempoed ‘love song’ “Bukkake Tears” and the Van Halen-esque rocker “Ten Strikes You’re Out” — the latter may just be the best song Steel Panther have ever put to disc.
I often find myself singing along to the tracks on All You Can Eat, and then shaking my head with a laugh at the ludicrousness of it all. “There was so much spunk of your face I couldn’t see the tears”, “If I was the King Megan Fox would be my Queen, but I’d still fuck Christie Brinkley and any girl older than 16”, and “B.V.S. (big vagina syndrome) is a bit like shooting hoops with a tennis ball, it’s easy to get it in there but it doesn’t satisfy at all” are just a sampling of the words of wisdom spewed throughout All You Can Eat.
There are people who love to hate Steel Panther — ones that are so passionate about ’80s hard rock that they are unable to see some of the genre’s flaws. It is those type of people that Steel Panther are targeting — if you’re not in on the joke, you’re the brunt of it. For those people I suggest you look past the silly lyrics and just enjoy All You Can Eat for what it truly is — a top-notch hard rock album. Besides, the ’80s rock scene was all about excessive partying and screwing as many groupies as possible, so what’s the harm in exploiting the very things that propelled it to stardom? Eventually Steel Panther‘s shtick will get old and they will run out of sexually charged ideas — but seeing as they haven’t recorded songs about ‘donkey punches’ or ‘Cleveland steamers’ yet I’d say they have a few more killer releases ahead.
Reviewed by Skid for Sleaze Roxx, March 2014